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In talking with seriously ill children and their parents about school expectations, common threads often weave themselves into this intricate tapestry. What follows is that tapestry, the wish list, if you will, of both the children and their parents regarding their school expectations.

Children

Many children appreciate some of reentry program as discussed in the Homework section. This information can alleviate some awkwardness in having to explain what is wrong upon their return. Such a program also lets the children in the classroom know what side effects to expect as a result of the illness and/or treatments so that when an at-risk child returns to school with no hair, for instance, their friends and classmates will be prepared to act accordingly.

Seriously ill children would appreciate an opportunity to talk with their teacher before they return to the classroom. In the daily rush of a typical school day, a comprehensive and heart-to heart talk is impossible. Arrange a meeting before or after school or pershaps even at the child's home to establish a rapport with this child and to examine the concerns of the child and to share your concerns. Ground rules can be set and a trust level reached. Critically ill children want you, their teachers, to trust them to let you know how they are feeling and to let you know they are feeling and to let you know when they need help. Children like to feel as though they have some control. Allow them the freedom, within reasons, to set their own limitations.

Children who are at risk need to know where they can go for help or just to talk. Of course, you want to make yourself available, but a guidance counselor or principal might provide additional support.

Avoidance is a major cause for hurt among seriously ill children returning to school. They often feel that classmates and even teachers avoid them. As a teacher, if you observe this happening, as the at-risk child if he/she would like for you to intervene by organizing support groups to help make the other children aware of the hurtful consequences of their actions. Avoiding the situation will not make it go away.

Seriously ill children do not want classmates and teachers as well to assume that they connot participate in school related activities. A school skating party may not be impossible for these children. They want to feel included even if they can't do everything. The offer itself seems the world to them.

Children with serious illnesses want you to know that death is not a foregone conclusion. They are fighting for their lives, and they want you to fight, too.

Parents

Parents of ciritically ill children expect for the school to take the initiative in establishing a means to meet their child's educational needs. Whether their child is in the hospital or at home, parents need guidance. If possible, parents would perfer their child's teacher to continue to work with their child while homebound. It is inadequate to provide just a list of assignments. Parents of a seriously ill child are already upholding their responsiblilities for medical care in addion to financially and emotionally supporting a family.

Parents appreciate frequent communication. Calls and cards demonstrate that school personnel care about their child. One parents even suggested that the school establish a phone tree of friends and teachers of her seriously ill child so that frequent calls would be made to help her child feel a part of school life. Some parents I talked with, however, felt that the school took the position that if their child wasn't physically at school, their child didn't exist. Making the effort to touch base with the ill child and his/her family on a regular basis can help avoid this misunderstanding. Keeping in contact with the family also can be achieved through providing food for the family. A meal a week or whatever arrangement can be made is so appreciated by parents. Use of disposable containers for the food is a consideration as well. Every effort made by the school, small or large, is a lifeline, a gift, for the parents of a seriously ill child.

Parent of ill children like educator to teach about compassion. Cruel remarks or avoidance cause as much pain, if not more, to the parents than to their child. Parents would like for teachers to take the time to help children realize that sick children need support and friendship especially at this critical time in their lives.

Parents are equally concerned about their other children. Classmates of a seriously ill child's siblings can be very cruel as well. Parents hope teachers will be aware of the special needs of their critcally ill child. If teachers find ways to give the siblings extra attention at school, it helps to ease the neglect they may feel at home. Parents of a seriously ill child rarely have time in the evenings to monitor homework completion, so extra help with school assignments may also benefit siblings. If the school sends gifts to the sick child, a small token for the other children helps to further eliminate their feeling of being excluded and their guilt from being jealous.

More than anything, the parents of children battling life-threatening illnesses just want to know that the school cares. Support from the school can really make a difference in the lives of a family dealing with this crisis situation.

It doesn't take a magic wand to make these wishes come true. It does, however, take a caring and dedicated educator. You really can make some dreams come true. Unfortunately, while some children's wishes can be granted easily, the gift of life is not within the child's control or your's. What if the child never returns to school?

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